Is this thing on?
It’s been a minute here.
Been in my head so much of late. Intrusive thoughts and just a sense of anxiety and bullshit. Your head can be your own worst enemy. It’s not always your friend.
The thought of being perfect is wild to me. No one is perfect, there are very few things in life that are truly perfect. We overuse and abuse the word. Water it down. It’s not really attainable on so many levels. Things can always improve. I have beaten myself up for years over this thought of what is perfect. How can I be perfect? To be honest with you it has really held me back in so many aspects of my life. As absurd as it sounds I have failed because I thought I wanted to be perfect. I have stifled my personal growth because I was so afraid of failing, failing to be perfect. I don’t know where this comes from. I have limited my own personal experiences because of this fear.
What a waste.
Time I won’t get back.
It’s so damn frustrating. It’s what takes me so long to write a simple blog. I am afraid it’s going to suck and I overthink it. I didn’t want to be in a band because all it took is for one person to say it sucked. Had to quit because it wasn’t perfect. Same things with sports and the list goes on and on. My fear of not being perfect can be crippling at times.
I am not a perfect person, a perfect husband, a perfect father, a perfect friend nor perfect at anything really.
I shoot myself in the foot over and over because I am afraid to fail.
I’ve learned over the years that being flawed is human, should I say it’s perfectly human.
I am still learning, still trying even at my age. Learn and grow and try to ignore the noise in your head that is preventing you from progress. Easier said than done but yet here we are trying trying trying.
Anyways, there is more to life than books you know??? Onto some meaningless thoughts:
We are 8 1/2 months removed from seeing Oasis at Wembley and honestly not a day goes by where I don’t think about it, talk about it, look at pictures or videos. Seeing Richard Ashcroft opening the show was such a great appetizer for the main course. I remember being in such awe of how great he was, how much command he had of the 80+k people in the crowd. Playing Verve songs with the audience singing along word for word. However, this is my one pet peeve, and it’s really fucking stupid to even notice something this dumb. My man needs to stop tying his jacket around his waste. Someone in his inner circle needs to pull him aside and say “Hey Richard, knock it off.” So stupid I know but I couldn’t get over it. I talk to my friend TV about this at great length and I am happy to report it annoys her as much as it annoys myself. Shame on us. Poor Richard.
I cannot believe it’s already April. Baseball season is upon us. Allergies are kicking my ass and it’s almost time to put the jackets away. I’ve been in Southern California for almost 14 years now and I still have a hard time with the lack of seasons. How the days bleed into one almost like a groundhogs day type deal. However this time of year we have four seasons in just one day. So bipolar. When living in New England the season and the weather dictated our moods. It put life in perspective. Months to be miserable because of the weather. Hot, cold, wet and freezing. Enduring the seasons in New England was a rite of passage. I know, boo hoo look at me complaining about so much sunshine i live in. I warned you that these were meaningless thoughts.
Shrinking is one of the best shows on television. Sad that the season is wrapping up this week. So far, watching the new Daredevil season has been pretty great. Talk about two polar opposite programs. I need to find another show or two to watch. I can’t tell you the last time I have had the attention span to sit through an entire movie. Damn ADHD. I still need to watch the Peaky Blinders movie. Shit is so corny that it’s fucking great.
I could ramble on useless topics for days and nobody has time for that. It took me a month and a half to write this nonsense. Until next time I urge you to ask questions instead of making assumptions. Hold onto your friends.
Here are some things I have been listening to since the last time:
Love is noise, love is pain
Love is these blues that I'm singing again